Day 115

We are baling hay again which always keeps me busy even though I rarely help out in the field these days.  Yesterday, was an off day for me as far as cooking goes so I used the time to make a dent in the mess that has accumulated in our house over the years. I scrubbed out some unused plastic storage bins that had been stored unused in the garage for years. I'm hoping, by the end of this long weekend, to use them when we finally get that garage cleaned out. I know that sounds counter productive to put them right back where they came from but they will be in use this time organizing all the other stuff that is cluttering up the garage. We haven't been able to use our garage as a garage for a long while but before it goes back to its intended purpose, I plan to use it as a staging area for prepping and painting furniture that needs a face lift.

I had intended to also get my tack cleaned up yesterday but I kept getting muscle spasms in my back that slowed me down. It's one of my major goals, in this year of change, to begin riding again. Thanks to some very sound advise from my friend, Ginny Irving, I'm no longer planning to dive in head first...or in this case, leap into the saddle blind. I'm going to start slowly with ground work to build trust and respect first. That will give me a chance to enhance not only the horse's confidence but my own. Sad that it's taken me twelve years of horse ownership to l learn this vital lesson but as my friend Huston would have said, I know it now so build on it and move forward. 

After a great week of exercising every day, I've missed two days this week and I'm not so certain I will manage to fit it in today. The emotional nosedive I went into after Velma graduated me is to blame for part of that but I need to get back to my original purpose of improving my life and health by establishing this habit. I have to admit, all of the soul searching and self analysis I've been doing over the last 115 days has led me to realize that my emotions and motivations are far more complicated than I'd first thought. I remember my friend Pamie saying that being in therapy was like peeling an onion, every layer you pull off just reveals another layer. The good news is, despite the fact that both the realization and change that results can sometimes be difficult and painful, I'm growing stronger in my new found self awareness and getting ever closer to my ultimate goal of  a better me, a better and more balanced life. I read a quote this morning, "When she wakes, she will move mountains!" I think I'm waking up.