Days 37 and 38

I’m a little over a month in and feeling like I’ve hit a roadblock already. It’s easy to get discouraged. It’s easy to think that the way I’ve been feeling physically for the last few weeks is going to last forever. I honestly don’t know why I’ve been feeling like I’ve been hit by a truck both physically and emotionally but today, I am feeling much better. For days, my muscles have been so fatigued, despite the fact that I’ve not done anything that was physically exerting, that my legs would begin to trembling after I stood for only a few minutes. Each day though, I have felt better and each day, I seem to have more energy and strength. Today, I feel normal for the first time in over two weeks. Perhaps it was the combo of the steroids and antibiotics but whatever the cause, I’m feeling stronger, more energetic and hopeful. It is discouraging when you have great plans, so much to do and obligations to others and there are days when you feel like you can’t push through even the simplest tasks. It would be easy to just say, forget this because it’s impossible for me, but, thankfully, my energy is revived and I’m relatively pain free today and I realize that just accomplishing one thing today will motivate me to do more tomorrow. Sometimes, feeling physically bad can depress and discourage you to the point that you ask, will life always be like this? But, sometimes, all it takes is one day of feeling good to get you back on track. I could keep asking, why I’ve felt so badly but why do that? I’m instead going to concentrate on this day when I’m feeling great and ask myself, what can I do with that?

On another note, I have several areas where I want to develop routines. I was recently talking with a friend about how important routines are.  I like to think of them as organized habits and there is power in habits. I’m not certain yet whether I need to work on all of them at once or just one at a time. I don’t know at what point that would become overwhelming and a deterrent. So, I might choose one to really concentrate on over the next week and prepare for one or two more. I’ll give more details in this coming week. After the last few weeks of feeling like an absolute failure, I think it’s best for me to take just one day at a time. So today, I’ll give myself one task, moving my painting(house) supplies into the pantry for now, I have an empty shelf and if that gets done, I’ll feel the day is a success. Anything else I get done is gravy!