I'm hoping that I'll look back on this day as the turning point. I've had good starts before and even though I've faltered, I have kept going. I do have that to be proud of. But my main concern and complaint is my very slow progress during this beginning of my journey. I'm a third of the way through this year of intent and change and in the beginning, I was expecting to make great, leaping strides.
Here is what I think though, change is hard and I have been becoming more self aware and more capable of that change. Even though the scale has not dropped dramatically and even though I'm not ready to run a marathon (as if that would ever happen) and even though I have made little progress on my house and am not much closer to finishing my studio space and getting back to work or finding time for those things that bring me joy, like playing with the horses, I still feel like I've made tremendous progress. The things I've discovered about myself by just journaling here are making it easier to let go of old, non productive and often hurtful habits and attitudes and to move forward in my life by replacing those bad things with good, healthy habits and a positive attitude.
And now, I need to start taking action to make my life better, to make me better. These new habits are a start and I'm feeling good about them. I've been worried about working them into my schedule and how the least interruption could throw that process off when I realized something, I don't really have a schedule. No, this person, who has over planned everything her entire life, has been living in mental and emotional chaos. I have to bring order back to my life and instead of fitting those new habits into my life, I need to build my life around them. This last 105 days have been about uprooting old, nasty habits, totally destroying them and torching them down. I've got to leave them in the past where they belong in order to create my new habits and life. So, now, I feel like I'm at the beginning of something and I feel it is going to be something big and exciting....and that something is my LIFE!
Here is what I think though, change is hard and I have been becoming more self aware and more capable of that change. Even though the scale has not dropped dramatically and even though I'm not ready to run a marathon (as if that would ever happen) and even though I have made little progress on my house and am not much closer to finishing my studio space and getting back to work or finding time for those things that bring me joy, like playing with the horses, I still feel like I've made tremendous progress. The things I've discovered about myself by just journaling here are making it easier to let go of old, non productive and often hurtful habits and attitudes and to move forward in my life by replacing those bad things with good, healthy habits and a positive attitude.
And now, I need to start taking action to make my life better, to make me better. These new habits are a start and I'm feeling good about them. I've been worried about working them into my schedule and how the least interruption could throw that process off when I realized something, I don't really have a schedule. No, this person, who has over planned everything her entire life, has been living in mental and emotional chaos. I have to bring order back to my life and instead of fitting those new habits into my life, I need to build my life around them. This last 105 days have been about uprooting old, nasty habits, totally destroying them and torching them down. I've got to leave them in the past where they belong in order to create my new habits and life. So, now, I feel like I'm at the beginning of something and I feel it is going to be something big and exciting....and that something is my LIFE!
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