Day 90

Technically, I’m three months in. 

Have I accomplished everything I’d hope to do by this point? Not even close. 

Am I still proud of everything I have done in 90 days? Absolutely!

No, I haven’t lost the unrealistic amount of weight that I, in the beginning, hoped to lose by this point but I’ve lost 7 pounds and multiple inches. And I’m eating healthier, thinking about what I’m eating and why I’m eating. Consequently, I’m eating less often and more aware of when I’m actually hungry and when I’m full. I still enjoy good food and I haven’t restricted myself from occasional indulgences but I’m enjoying my food more and I’m aware of all the sensations of eating something I enjoy and not just mindlessly shoving food in my mouth.

The weight is not falling off but the numbers on my scale are steadily declining. I know I’m not to the point where others can see the changes in my body but I see them. I feel lighter and usually more energetic. But I’m listening to my body and if it signals me I need to rest, I rest. 

I’ve always felt like I need to be on a strict, regimented schedule to make anything work including a diet. That appeared to work when I was younger but it also usually led to burnout. It may have taken weeks, months or even years but eventually, I reached the point when I said, I just can’t do this anymore. Since I started this journal ninety days ago, I’ve been striving to establish habits. I’ve become frustrated when unexpected events, obligations and illness seemed to throw off those efforts.  I kept saying to myself, start again from zero but now, I realize, I wasn’t starting over from scratch. I was simply continuing on my journey after a brief diversion. I’m learning finally to be flexible. I’m realizing that the absolute balance I’ve always desired isn’t necessarily the answer. Rather, I want to simulate the Willow tree. It gracefully bends in the wind but remains strong and rooted. I’ve noticed that you rarely if ever see an uprooted willow after a storm but you see plenty of those strong but inflexible oaks. From here on out, I aspire to be a willow.