Day 60

I just finished my weekly session with my health advocate, Velma. I came to a lot of realizations in our 30 minute talk. 

1) I need to be more selfish because it can be a healthy thing. 

This surprisingly had to do with my sleep cycle because trying to follow Steve’s sleep schedule is killing me. I guess what’s good for the gander isn’t necessarily good for the goose. We go to bed at 8:30. Steve falls right to sleep. I sometimes don’t sleep until after midnight. Yet, when Steve wakes me up at 4:00, I think I’m expected to stay up. Yet, when I don’t lie back down and sleep, I don’t accomplish as much because I’m exhausted. I’m not helping Steve or myself by forcing myself to stay awake. 

This also effects other aspects of my life, like playing with my horses. A few weeks ago, a wise young friend asked me why I wasn’t working with my horses. I told her that it was too hot unless I get out there at daybreak and I can’t seem to do that with any consistency. She said, well what about in the evenings? I thought no because I have to be in bed by 8:00 or 8:30. But now I realize, I don’t! 

2) Stop being so hard on myself. I’m human, I will fail occasionally in meeting my goals but the key is to keep building up to consistency. 

3) I’m not 32. I’m having a hard time accepting this fact. I can’t get in shape or lose weight as quickly as I did thirty years ago. I can’t do as much physically and if I need to take breaks and rest during the day, that’s okay. The only one judging me for that is me. 

4) I need to give myself positive affirmations throughout the day to over ride negative thoughts. I had another tiny epiphany about this. There are a couple of. people from my past who constantly criticized me. Most things I did that were good were done trying to please them but I never could. Even if they complimented me, it usually felt like an insult. I’ve realized that their insults came from their own problems and had nothing to do with me but still, I hear their constant criticism in my head and it makes me always feel like a failure. Velma told me to stop that and start fighting those negative thoughts with positivity.

5) Finally, Velma told me that this was a process. I need to be patient. Im on the right track establishing healthy habits but realizing visual changes in my body will take time. The good news is, I want this change in myself. I want to rebuild myself into the person I want and need to be not what anyone else thinks I should be. It’s odd, I’m 62 but I feel like I’m finally growing up and discovering my self.