November 27, 2021

Medical friends, a question. I know I’m an impatient patient but where should I be 18 days post surgery? I’ve done more today. I’ve been sorting closets and laundry. I’m changing out summer and winter clothes and packing up stuff for KARM. I will work in spurts and then lie down. I was told at the urologist (the one who did the emergency surgery) that, until the stint is out in Feb. , I will have pain and bleeding with movement. I’ve had that today but I just don’t know how far to push it. I’m resting right now but I know I need to move as much as possible. I guess what I’m asking is do you think I’m doing too much? It’s so hard to know what’s normal. I know I have restrictions: I can’t lift hardly anything for three more weeks, after that, it’s under 20 pounds until Feb., no exercise other than some walking. I’m just so bad at sorting out between lying around and doing too much. I’m a terrible patient. 

 November 27, 2021

For several days, my emotions have been fluctuating and I’ve been fighting off depression. We did have a wonderful Thanksgiving with family. I was crying before we left the house and then spent the rest of the day laughing and talking. It was good medicine.

Yesterday, the depression got worse. It wasn’t until last night that I realized what was going on. I’d thought it was the result of the unexpected surgery and the long, forced recovery period but once I realized what was really bothering me, the depression faded away. My appointment with Dr. Saunders is on Tuesday and we will discuss prognosis and treatment. The way I’ve been feeling, the anxiety, the depression and the revolving door of emotions, it’s all got to do with that appointment. Yes, I am ready to get all of these delays over with but I still dread hearing my diagnosis. It’s like when I made the mistake of googling my type of cancer and I saw that low survival rate. Yes, as Dr. Hahn said, gross statistics mean little to individual patients. Yes, those numbers are based on many people with much more advanced cancer. Yes, I still have faith and truly feel in my heart that I will survive this and God has plans for me beyond it. BUT seeing that number, reading those words felt like someone hit me on the head with a sledgehammer and drove my usually positive spirit down low, very low. Tuesday, it feels like I’m getting sentenced and part of me is still afraid it will be a death penalty. But realizing and admitting to those fears actually eased my anxiety. I’m much better today. I’m still moving slowly and working in short spurts but I am doing more than lying around. I still have faith and I still feel the love of God around me. And I still feel, no matter what words I hear on Tuesday, I will be okay.

 September 4, 2021

Our morning walk. Appreciating the beauty around us.

September 3, 2021

Okay, got some worrisome news today. You may recall my doctor being concerned about my kidney function. He wanted me to super hydrate for two weeks and then have a series of tests run today. My ultrasound showed a severely swollen right kidney. There is something blocking the kidney or the urinary tract but they don’t think it’s a stone. I’ll get the results of blood tests tomorrow and I’m supposed to consult with a urologist next week. Yes, I have to admit this threw me for a loop especially seeing the concern on my doctor’s face as he viewed the images but I’m trying not to worry until I actually know what’s going on. The silver lining to this, it gives a reason for so many off and on symptoms I’ve dealt with for a long time. I’ve felt so guilty for long time periods that I got little done because I felt so bad. I’ve never felt it was sickness unless I was throwing up or felt near death. I thought I was just a failure when I gave in to fatigue and pain. So, now, knowing there is a cause, I have hope to actually feeling better and being more consistent with my energy levels. So, that’s what I’m choosing to focus on. Still, I’d appreciate your prayers and good vibes.

 

 September 2, 2021

Below is what I posted on this day. Sadly, I was going to find out how very wrong my oncologist was within two weeks.

I had my six month check up at the oncologist today. Everything was fine and next check up will make five years. That means one more six month check and then it’s just once a year! Yay!

After a month of weight gain and the hike to the summit of Mt LeConte that I've committed to for my birthday in a month, I've decided to get serious about my diet. I have to admit, I do have a lot on my plate right now (figuratively) with trying to get the house back in order and my new studio/office space created so I can get back to work BEFORE the end of this month. I don't know if I can do it to be honest but I'm still trying even though I keep getting distracted. If it's not my own wandering mind and attention slowing me down, it's commitments to friends. I've promised to drive my friend, Jane, and bedroom furniture (that I inherited from my late, best friend Candis which I'm giving to Jane because she's divorced and moving in with her kids) down to Georgia this week. Next week, I have an appointment with my therapist Tamala (and hopefully great progress toward my goals to report) and my friend, David, is visiting from Nebraska and I'm meeting him at, our art teacher from college, Anne Power's home for lunch. I'm sure all of these things will be enjoyable but right now, all I can think about is getting my act together and being back at work by October 20! Working all of this around my three workouts a week with my trainer, Josh and finding time to run to the grocery store to buy all of the healthy food I should be eating is a daunting task. Still, I know I will feel better if I'm eating right and I'll be better prepared to tackle the tasks and prep to meet my two goals, getting back to work and hiking Mt LeConte. So, I'm looking into healthy meal prep blogs, web pages and books to help keep my diet on track and keep me away from the ever convenient and fast, pizza.

I've ordered several books this morning and found a couple of related blogs that all look like they have great ideas and recipes for streamlining my life.

https://www.skinnytaste.com/

Buy on Amazon
















Buy on Amazon
https://fedandfit.com/

Buy on Amazon
https://damndelicious.net/category/meal-prep/

I have to admit, I’ve been a wee bit envious of all those clients Josh kept posting videos of. I wondered if I just wasn’t good enough at anything to be included in that group of lauded clients. Then Sunday, I got a message saying Josh had tagged me in a video. I was so excited and then, I saw it mainly shows my backside. 🤨 oh well, at least I finally made the cut and he does have nice things to say about me. Thanks, Josh. https://www.instagram.com/p/B2UzCR1jwV7/?igshid=wi8gppwdognc

Just noticed my long lapse between posts. I have plenty of excuses but they are all in the rear view now. I just promise to do better but also a brief explanation is needed for the post below which is my first in awhile. I’ve been struggling with both my fitness and weight loss over the past few months since my last post. Most of that was because of injuries but I also just couldn’t seem to stay on track with my diet. So, Josh has been asking me about goals and I didn’t really know what I wanted beyond wearing a smaller size jeans. Then I had a lightbulb moment when I saw a friend had hiked Mt LeConte on her 73 birthday. That hike has been on my bucket list for a long time. I’ve decided to try and do it on my birthday on November 6. Yes, I do realize that is only a month and half away but Josh, my trainer, is sure I can do it. I’m not so convinced but I do plan to give it my best try. 

First Steps and in Praise of Costco

 Took my first walk this morning. It was my first fitness walk in months and my first steps toward that 11 mile trek to the top of Mt LeConte and back that I’ve set as my birthday goal. Steve is trying to talk me out of it because we’d have to make the round trip in one day because the cabins are booked a year in advance but my brother in law, who has hiked it many times in a day, assures me it’s doable. So, I’m still holding on to that goal and maybe, when they start taking reservations for 2020 in October, I’ll go ahead and book us in for next November. 

My walk this morning was only 1.4 mile which I did in 36 minutes. Not great but it’s not only day one, I also had Bodie in tow and he has to stop every couple of yards to sniff. I also would like to do a sprint then walk pace but we got a later than hoped start this morning which meant not only heat but people out to see me embarrassing myself. 

Ahhh, how I love Costco, let me count the ways. It’s not just the low prices or one stop shopping or even bulk buying to keep me away from one of my least favorite activities longer. Those things are certainly pluses but the thing I love most is all of the organic, non gmo and whole food choices both in produce, the freezer and even packaged. I’ve always praised those organic, frozen, dark cherries. I eat them as a chilled treat straight out of the bag! Now, I’ve discovered so many more delicious options, cauliflower tots and cauliflower fried rice are easy and fast to fix right out of the freezer, also new (to me anyway) in the freezer section are avocado chunks so I don’t have to worry about the fresh ones going bad before o can use them (although they do have the best, freshest avocados I’ve found anywhere in their produce section), also in the produce section, great organic lettuce and greens and the sweetest, plumpest blueberries you’ll ever eat, then there is the Alpine Valley whole grain bread that contains nothing but natural goodness and loads of fiber, finally, if you want a sweet treat(and don’t have any of those frozen cherries), give Cave Man brand protein bars a try, they have no artificial ingredients, are gluten free, non GMO and only 7 grams of sugar. Here’s to clean and healthy eating!

I apologize for my long periods of silence over the past few weeks. I’ve been busy with appointments, both planned and unexpected. Friday, there was a rushed visit to my optometrist after I called to tell them I had been seeing lightning strike like flashes for several days along with dark shadows out of my left eye. It wasn’t painful, just irritating and threw me a bit off kilter. I had a friend who lost her sight from a torn retina (hers was completely dislodged) so I knew the symptoms. After a thorough exam, Dr Vine told me that the vitreous material in my left eye has broken loose from the back of my eye and is pulling on the retina but thankfully has not torn it yet. I’m suppose to be resting it but was able to go for my workout with Josh Friday afternoon. The doctor told me just to avoid any bouncing or jerky movements.  I’m thinking now, maybe I shouldn’t have done the mountain climbers but hind sight is twenty-twenty....unlike my actual vision right now. The difference between the vision in both eyes is not extreme but it is making it difficult to read or do up close work. 

More news for the Not Great column, I’ve gained five pounds! So much for my out of control eating, I need to get back on the diet straight and narrow. I admit, I’ve been eating pizza, for the last month, like it was going to be banned at any moment. It doesn’t help that Friends is being removed from Netflix so I’ve been binging on it as well. Some of that TV time has been while doing other tasks and moving about but a good portion has been sitting on my butt with a bag of (healthy???) chips in hand. So, the five pounds is not totally unexpected. 😕

I’m not freaking out over the weight gain because I know it will take just a few habit tweaks to get me back on the right path but I do see two doctors for follow ups this week. With one of them, I’ll be right where I was six months ago when she last saw me. With the other, I will have gained five pounds since my last visit. I guess, she won’t be calling me Skinny this time. 

It’s not all discouraging news. Kendra, the physical therapist, has me down to once a week and she said, I’ve improved so much in the last two weeks, I shouldn’t have more than three weeks left. She attributed my great progress to my workouts with Josh, whom she’s bragged on numerous times for knowing what he’s doing and being great at his job, and doing the exercises on my own that she assigns. I’m just grateful to be able to not only move better but to sleep pain free at night. And, happy dance, Kendra said I could start taking yoga again in August!

More good news, I have a plan for getting back to work sooner and adding the needed structure to my life. I’ve been looking at this all wrong and also totally ignoring Steve’s good advice. Lol. I thought I needed to get the master bedroom finished before I could turn our current bedroom into my new studio. I’d put everything else on hold until that one room was done. Months have passed and I’ve made absolutely no progress towards accomplishing this goal. Steve had suggested many times that I combine my office space and studio space. I stubbornly refused to listen because, ever the planner, I had a set idea in my head of exactly how each space was supposed to look, right down to the art work on the walls. When I finally opened my ears and my mind enough to embrace this idea, I realized it was a quick and fairly easy solution to many problems...several of which were of my own creation. 

Of course, being me, I had to complicate things. I’ve decided to move our bedroom to the office space and make the room with better light my new office/studio. There is still lots of work to do to make these hopes for changes reality. I have to clean out both rooms and in the process, want to clear out unnecessary clutter. I also want to repaint both rooms and my work bench and drafting table need new paint. I have new lights that need to be hung in both rooms and that will require Steve’s help. I want to get new chests to go beside our bed and I’ll need to paint those (I will post photos of that project). I don’t plan to put down new flooring yet. These rooms will wait until we do the rest of the house. I know that cleaning out my workshop and getting it back in working condition will take some time but I really would love to be back at work on my art by the second week in August. I’ll keep you updated on my progress. 

We can not start over but we can create a new beginning.

For the last decade perhaps longer, I've felt overwhelmed and out of control. It's felt as if I was one of those balls tumbling around erratically in the lottery cage with very slim odds that I'd end up on top of the pile. I've written before about how I spend half my time yearning for the days when my life seemed perfect, when I felt in control and as if I was nearing the top of that mountain called success. Then my mom died and the life I thought I was so in control of the path I thought I'd mapped so perfectly began to crumble. I think my life probably still appeared to be running smoothly and I looked like I had it all together but I felt as if I was just treading water in a vast, endless ocean full of sharks and other dark and unknown threats. It took another decade before I stopped trying to climb up. I was tired, emotionally exhausted by my silent battle with an enemy no one else could see but me. Another decade and my tumble down that mountain finally ended with me crashing to the bottom, broken and struggling to piece myself back together.

The saddest part is, I don't think I'm alone in feeling this way. I think we all tend to think everyone else has their life pulled together especially in these days of social media providing us a picture perfect view of others lives but I doubt reality lives up to the edited view we're given. Everything is filtered now, photoshopped and perfectly lit with all the bad parts cropped out but everyone's life has flaws and there is probably no one who has a life that lives up to their expectations.

I think that's one reason I started this blog. Sure, reason number one was to help myself to improve myself and get my life back in order but I also wanted to let others know, they are not alone in this struggle we call life. My niece once asked me why I was always telling stories on myself where I came up short or did dumb things. Well, for one thing, you have to learn to laugh at yourself but also, I want people to know, it's okay to mess up because we all do it. True, some like me seem to do it more than others, lol, but I do provide a nice cautionary tale.

I apologize for being all over the place with this. I'm just trying to work it out in my own head. I've realized lately that I'm never going to regain either the body or the life that I had twenty or so years ago and I have to accept that before I can move forward. But I've also realized that, just because I'm past sixty, my life isn't over. Yes, for the past year as I attempted to gain a foothold on this new climb, I've either been spending my time looking back to what was or imagining how things could be if I'd just get my life together. Perhaps my stalemate with this challenge comes from knowing, in the back of my mind, that I will never achieve either of these "perfect" goals. My past is a lot like those perfect pictures of people's lives on Instagram and Facebook, the memories are heavily edited. Sure there were good times, new adventures and experiences and I was in good shape with a body whose skin didn't sag but there were struggles then, too. I just gave the appearance to others that everything was okay. In our memories and our expectations we live in airbrushed perfection. But perfection is unattainable because it is a myth, it doesn't exist.

So, where does that leave me? Learning to appreciate the here and now no matter how scruffy or dirty or flawed it is. If we can't love ourselves or our lives or homes or jobs in all of their broken beauty, how will we love them once we piece them back together? It's like my house, which is in dire need of repair and renovation (a tree fell through the roof for heaven's sake, I haven't had a real working kitchen for over ten years and the foundation problems have been repaired but the front porch still needs to be rebuilt and what about that ten year old leak under my kitchen sink that Steve keeps promising to get to?), we can fix all of the problems but the scars are still going to be there. I can lose weight, firm up those muscles and be stronger and healthier but it's still a sixty-three year old body and the wear and tear and abuse I've put it through, for all of those years, is going to still show.

That brings me back to where I started this novella, we can't start over but we can create a new beginning. And the first step is accepting where you're starting from. We can still appreciate the past and all of the joy and heartaches that brought us to this point but we have to stop grasping for it. We can still have our dreams but we can't reach them if we spend all of our time fantasizing about what might be, what could be. To begin again, we have to have a starting point and that is the now and with each step forward, we will still be in the now. This moment in time is all we have. It is not infinite. It will be gone in a moment so don't waste it trying to live in the past or the future. Live for now, do what is at hand and then take a step forward and repeat. Who knows how far we can go. We really have no control over life and all of the planning in the world can't guarantee success or progress. The only chance we have to change our future is to live in the now and make the most of what's right in front of you.

On the Keto Diet Again

Nothing else has been working so I'm trying keto once again. Brad, one of the trainers at the gym, told me that I shouldn't be concerned that the scale refuses to drop (I did go below 170 one day but it went right back up the next and I haven't seen 169 again :( ). He told me that I'm gaining muscle and slimming down and those should be my measure....even though my BMI still has me obese at 29%, I am just one % away from Normal/Healthy. But you know I have to keep those darn lists even though my diet is the only place that the lists actually keep me on track. So, my plate now looks like this:

Anytime Fitness Loudon (1987 Highway 72, Loudon, TN)

June 17 at 11:06 AM · 

Take a moment to read Loudon ATF member Sande Jones Elkins’ Monday Motivation story. Our Ageless Fitness program not only can strengthen you physically, 💪🏼but strengthen you emotionally 😊as well. When is the last time someone has noticed your positivity? ✨
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When I started working out with Josh Hensley, my trainer at AF in Loudon, I had hardly exercised at all for at least twenty years and I had been progressively putting on weight that entire time. I'd also suffered some major losses and had life changes that had left me lethargic and depressed. I had lost my enthusiasm for life and the things, people and activities that once brought me joy. I basically felt as if I'd been hiding out more than l had lived for at least the last five years or so. When I turned 63 back in November of last year, I decided that it was time for a change. It was time to get my life back. I decided to join the gym on the recommendation of my neighbor, Leesa. She'd been going there for almost a year and had made tremendous progress. I didn't hold out much hope that I would show that much improvement since she was already a much more active person than I was but I signed up for the Ageless Fitness program in January and decided to give it my all. Now, it is five months later and even I'm astounded by how far Josh has brought me. I'm leaner, I'm stronger, I'm more flexible. I have more energy and endurance. My health has improved, my blood pressure, which had been rocket high in the beginning, is now perfect. My confidence and self esteem is bolstered every time I run into someone I haven't seen in six months and they express amazement at how much I've slimmed up and how much healthier and happier I appear. But best of all, I have regained my life. I'm finding myself not just happier but actively participating in life again. The photo is of me hiking with my best bud, Bodie, this past weekend. I'm loving my life and loving myself and I have to thank Josh and the structured and personal workouts he's provided for the last five months for most of that. Thank you, Josh and thank you, Anytime Fitness-Loudon. I'm so happy that I made that decision to join your Ageless Fitness program; the results have been only positive and I keep improving every day.

It's epiphany time again. Perhaps the reason I'm so tired is my brain keeps looking for solutions to my problems while I'm trying to sleep. Sometimes, that actually works in my favor. Various professionals over the years have been telling me I need to set out a plan to reach my goals. That doesn't always work for me. It's not that I'm not a planner. I spend more time making a plan than I actually do trying to execute those steps I've laid out. Even though I'm many months of work away....if not years, let's be honest.....from getting this house back in order, I not only know where how I'm going to arrange the furniture, I know where I'm hanging art and placing accessories. I've sketched out each room numerous times. It seems to give me some satisfaction just to imagine what our home will look like once all this work is done but, at the end of the day, I'm never any closer to getting the rooms cleaned out in order to just start the first step of painting. I lay out plans on how I'm going to do this and it isn't just a filled calendar by days, I work it out to the hour! Yes, we've already established over the past few months that I tend to be a wee (cough-cough) bit obsessive. It's just that, years of piling up boxes, however orderly, is still clutter and clutter tends to clog up your mind as well as obstruct actual tasks. I have admitted to being overwhelmed but I don't think that is the only problem. I admit to having a problem with time management no matter how many daily schedules I compose. So, what is my problem? I need a job. That may sound like an odd statement considering that one of my goals when I started this year (actually it's been a goal for the past two or three years if not longer) was getting back to work by clearing out my long neglected workshop and turning the room we are currently using as our bedroom into a beautifully sunlit studio space. How much progress have I made toward those goals? If I have to answer that, you are either new to this blog/journal or you haven't been paying attention. Even though I've been committed to the task of getting fitter and healthier since January and I thought that might lead to discipline and progress in other areas of my life, it hasn't. So, all of those afore mentioned professionals who gave me that "make a list" advice also keep telling me to be patient but patience ain't paying the bills nor getting me moving any earlier in the mornings. So, after another late start thanks to another sleepless night (I did everything right this time, took my magnesium and an OTC pain med, didn't drink more than a sip of water, put down my book early and got comfortable, a good nights sleep was not to be. I was woken up in the middle of the night by an elderly friend calling in a panic to ask me why it was so dark outside. I had to assure her that it was not the middle of the day and the end of time had arrived but rather the middle of the night and she'd simply dozed off in front of the TV. Then, I had to try and get back to sleep after our long conversation finally ended an hour later.), I had my epiphany. I realized my life had no direction. I have no problem getting to appointments or the gym on time because I know I have to be there promptly but the rest of my life is aimless. I knew I needed to haul water to the horses this morning and start cleaning up my wrecked kitchen but now, it is noon (and daylight this time) and I've accomplished nothing. I haven't even been back to sleep, since Steve woke me up at 4AM, except for a fitful thirty minute nap I practically forced myself into. So, I asked myself why it seems impossible for me to actually accomplish the tasks I set out for myself at the beginning of my day? The answer is simple, so simple that I don't know why it's taken me this long to realize it, I simply DON'T HAVE TO DO THOSE THINGS. I don't have a deadline hanging over my head, I don't have an appointed hour that I have to show up, I don't have anyone but myself to be accountable to. Yes, the tasks at hand are often overwhelming but there are days, I don't even do what is required of me....leading to a lot of eating out. So, even though I've made getting this house back in order my top priority, I think perhaps, I need to get back to work instead. The studio space does not need to be done for that to happen. Yes, the basement has to be sorted out but I've heard this is going to be a rainy weekend so chances are I'll have help getting that done from Steve. Considering how much time I'm now wasting, requiring myself to put in even a few hours of actual (hopefully paying unless all my collectors have grown weary of my empty promises and given up on me) work might just be the catalyst I need to start work on other projects. So, that is the new plan. I will let you know how it goes. I'm hoping that by the end of summer, I can report that I've accomplished a lot more with all of my life goals. Remember my new mantra, "She thought she could and so, SHE DID!"

Despite an incident with the Bodie dog last night involving him taking off suddenly in pursuit of a critter in the hay field and trying to take me with him which twisted my back and had me limping back to the house while dragging a 70 pound dog, I'm feeling much better today. Like everything else, healing is a process and I'm sure there will be setbacks, great days and bad days along the way. I'm feeling super positive and energetic though and very blessed. My injured back is such a minor thing compared to the pain and illness so many people deal with chronically. A friend's grandson was born with a condition that affects his joints, tendons and muscles. He's already had so many surgeries in his young life and just had a very extensive surgery yesterday with another to follow soon. He is such a brave little boy and so bright and happy. He doesn't let any of it get him down. So, if he can deal with that, I can certainly deal with this tiny little setback in my life with positivity. My problem will resolve itself if I can just remember not to do anything to aggravate it. That's harder than you might think. We do so many tasks in our day without even thinking about them. And, I'm at an age where too many thing are on automatic repeat and my brain is not engaged. lol

I had my last call with my sweet Ms Velma yesterday. I've come to love that lady so much and I told her so and thanked her for all the encouragement and advice she's given me. I will miss her but she is so proud that I've been "graduated" from the health coach program that my insurance provides. She told me that I've made her look good and that the others in her workplace have started calling her the Weight Loss Guru thanks so my success. She said, "I tell them that you are the one who did all of the hard work and I'm so proud of you and how far you've come." I told her that I truly don't think I could have done it without her support. She's like Josh, neither wants to take the credit for how amazingly good they are at their jobs. Both say they are simply cheerleaders for our effort but it is far more than that with both of them and I realize how blessed I am to have found them both. It has been hard work but I didn't accomplish this transformation (still not there yet but moving in the right direction, lol) on my own....it has truly taken a village and I'm grateful to them all.

I have realized a few things over the past few weeks and some of those epiphanies are the reason Velma felt so good about letting me go and letting me stand on my own. One thing is, I haven't done this on my own; I've been blessed with a lot of support. The second thing is, in thinking it might all be snatched away because of the possible surgery and two months of down time, I finally realized just how far I've come in the last three and a half months that I've been working with Josh. I'm stronger, I'm more agile, I'm more energetic and my clothes fit much better. And besides being grateful to Josh, I also realized how much hard work I've put in and I'm proud of myself for the dedication to this commitment of getting healthier and fitter. I still only see the fat I've yet to lose when I look in the mirror but I realized a third thing, I am 63 years old. That's hard for to admit to myself. I have no trouble telling other people how old I am because most of the time they tell me I don't look it and that makes me feel good. lol But it is hard to wrap your head around those numbers. All of us may age on the outside but we still feel like the same people on the inside. Realizing that I am 63 is not a bad thing because I don't have such unrealistic expectations. That means that I hopefully won't push myself so hard because I expect to be capable of the same effort now as I could have done thirty or forty years ago. It also means that I won't judge the body I see in the mirror as harshly and I won't have unattainable expectations for it either. I'm most likely never going to have that flat stomach and six pack definition I once had but I will be the best I can be at what ever age I am. And in time, I will come to accept the wrinkles and looser skin....maybe not today but someday.

If my few readers (it's okay to laugh at that), have wondered where I disappeared to, it is a technical glitch. I have been unable to post photos from my phone. And, since almost any story is better with illustrations, I haven't been updating the blog when I post to my Year of Living Purposefully Facebook page.

So, what have you missed?

First, I hurt my back two weeks ago doing burpees (http://www.usabestadvisor.com/how-to-do-a-burpee-10-steps/. ) It wasn't Josh's fault. He called me on the over extension on my jump back as soon as I did it. He said, "Don't over extend like that and keep your back straight or you'll hurt yourself." To which I replied, "I already have."

At first the pain wasn't that much different in intensity than my usual hip pain on my right side...more on that later....but, a few days later, I was reaching for something on a high shelf and over extended again. I felt the injury instantly. That was on Saturday night; I barely got out of bed on Sunday or Monday. Sitting and standing made the pain much worse. I did force myself to go workout with Josh on Tuesday. I told him about the pain and he put me through a warm up that really seemed to help but when we got into our workout, we had kettle bell swings as one of the movements in the set. It hurt and I should have let Josh know right away but I soldiered through and I felt better after the workout for a while. That is that post workout high, even if you're exhausted, you feel great when your blood is pumping. I came home, grabbed a water and a post workout protein snack and sat down on the bed to watch the afternoon news. I thought I wouldn't be there over 20 minutes but I never got back up, at least not that day.

Kettle Bell Swings

I wasn't just hurting in my lower back now. There is a spot in my groin area that has bothered me for at least nine months. At first, I was concerned that it had something to do with the surgery I had to remove my cancerous uterus two years ago. I saw my oncologist in February and asked him about it. When I described it, he said he thought it was orthopedic and related to my spine or back. I went to my primary with it and she just tested me for a urinary tract infection and let it go once that came back clear. A few weeks after that, I had a colonoscopy which turned out great so it wasn't a GI problem. It wasn't a terrible pain and I chose to ignore it after that. Then I hurt my back and after my workout with Josh, Tuesday of last week, it really started hurting. It was a pain that was throbbing and deep and almost burning and it was very localized. My friend thought it might be appendicitis and my husband, Steve, wanted to take me to the ER. I refused but by the next night, I did want him to call our old doctor, Jan Hahn, who is practicing again after taking a break to teach for awhile. I trust this man more than any doctor I know and I knew he'd get to the bottom of the problem...and he did.

He saw me the very next day. He listened intently while I described my problem and he took notes and asked questions. Then he x-rayed my hip where he pointed out some arthritis in the hip joint. He had me move in various directions and ways and then he examined me physically. His conclusion, the main problem is my sacroilliac joint. I seriously thought that was a made up word. To me, it sounded like something Bugs Bunny would say, "Sufferin' Succotash! It's her Sacroilliac!" But it is a real thing and injury or problems with it are more common in women than me. It's the place your hip joins your spine and it isn't fused because we'd walk stiffly like a robot if it were. It has actually bothered me my entire life to some degree but I always thought it was my hip joint. I was so wrong.

The good news is, it is very treatable with over the counter anti-inflammatories and the right exercises...and not doing any exercise that will exacerbate the problem...like kettle bell swings and burpees. Josh is on top of that so no worries there. I trust him just like I trust Dr Hahn. We actually have already had a lengthy discussion about what we will do and not do until this is better and we went through a very satisfying workout that left me feeling better than I have in two weeks...or maybe longer. He's also recommended that I make bird-dogs and every day activity. But I'm getting ahead of myself because there were three stressful, worry filled (and ice cream and french fries and my first beers in five years which got me quickly drunk since I've lost all tolerance but made me feel much better) days over the weekend because Dr Hahn thought the pain in my groin might be a hernia and would require surgery. The surgery terrified me because of the two months post that I wouldn't be allowed to workout or lift anything over five pounds. I've worked so hard to get myself in shape for these last four months with Josh and I saw that all going out the window. I thought, I'll be starting from scratch two months from now.

So, I made an appointment with the surgeon Dr. Hahn recommended and went to see him Tuesday morning anticipating a quickly scheduled surgery and all that down time. I was not a happy camper despite the two Negra Modelos I had with dinner at our favorite Mexican restaurant the night before...which did make me feel happy and pain free for a few blissful hours, lol. The doctor talked to me and examined me and he gave me some good and hopeful news. He's not a 100% certain that I have a hernia since I have no bulge. He thinks that my pain may actually be from my back injury and he would rather wait and see if the groin pain goes away with the back pain. He said, if the pain intensifies or other signs appear, I should come back immediately but if and until that happens, he will not cut on me without being certain he has a reason, too....and for that, I'm very grateful.

I met with Josh yesterday afternoon and like I said above, I was certain he'd know what to do and he did. That kid is just the best! Here are the
stretches and exercises he has me doing to help my sacroiliac (Sufferin' Sucotash!)

Bird Dogs

Child's Pose

Planks

The Four Day Diet

Yes, I confess, I’m reading another diet book, The Four Day Diet. 

I haven’t gotten to the diet yet but I can already tell this one is different. The author starts off by saying that weight loss is 80% mental and only 20% physical. He says this book is more about the psychology of weight loss. He asks several questions:

Why are you currently overweight?

Why have previous weight loss efforts failed?

How does your weight influence your self esteem and self image?

What are your strengths related to sticking to a weight loss program?

What are your weaknesses related to sticking to a weight loss program?

Without weighing yourself or looking at a BMI chart, how many pounds away do you think you are from your target weight?

Some of these questions, I’ve been considering for months and I’ve discovered much about myself but I know that it’s more difficult to come up with answers for others. I’m going to give them some more thought and I’ll try to share my answers. 

Intermittent Fasting

Okay, intermittent fasting works! I’m still not doing the seventeen hours Jay suggested but I make certain I put at least twelve hours between the last meal of one day and the first meal of the next. I’m still trying to eat as cleanly as possible and I’m avoiding processed sugar, starchy vegetables and all but whole grains. My protein sources are, most often, either chicken breasts, fish (last night was Salmon roasted in the oven) or tonight’s choice, beans (cannalini cooked with onions, garlic and bell peppers with Rotel tomatoes and peppers added after they are cooked- - otherwise the acidic tomatoes cause the beans to be tough). I also plan to cook either black or purple rice to go with the beans, which is a favorite of Steve’s, and have sautéed yellow squash and a cucumber-onion salad on the side. I’m eating heartily and still losing weight. Since I started fasting last Thursday, I’ve lost nearly five pounds, 4.8! I’m getting very close to dropping into another decade. Yay! 

I'm currently reading an Alex Delaware novel (he's the main character not the author) in which he says, “Zeigarnik. She was a Russian psychologist who discovered that people develop tension for unfinished business. They named it after her. The Zeigarnik effect. Like most overachievers I’ve got a big one.” Wow, describes me and my stressors to a T.

This has not been a great day because I’ve been up since 2:30 AM. Oh, I tried to sleep. Most of my day consisted of trying to sleep but I did make my workout with Josh. That went well, or, at least, I lived through it. I was able to tell him that I measured today and I’ve lost two inches off my waist since my evaluation in March. I’ve been doing the intermittent fasting that Jay suggested. It’s gone pretty well but I still haven’t made the seventeen hours he suggested. That’s mainly because I’ve had places to go before I hit that mark and I haven’t wanted to drive on an empty stomach. I’m afraid of my blood sugar levels dropping which has caused me to pass out in the past. I have made 15 hours two days and 13 today and I’ve lost 2 pounds! I know, way to bury the lead.