Day 30

Well, it's been a month since I started this diary. I haven't accomplished everything I'd hoped to but life does interfere with living. I have met some of my goals and I think I've changed my mindset quite a bit. I think I'm beginning to see the path forward a little more clearly but trying to be constantly present in your life is not easy. I do think it is the key to solving a lot of problems. For one thing, I waste a lot of time either over thinking every thing or distracting myself so I don't have to think about everything. What can I say, I'm a walking contradiction. lol But it is true that I will use books, TV, games on my phone, this darn contraption I'm sitting in front of, to keep from doing what I need to be doing. I've pulled back from FB because I realized I was watching others live their lives more than I was actually living my own. And I'm not saying that, in the last 30 days, I've changed that bad habit completely but I am at least aware of it now and I'm working on it, just like I'm working on me, one day at a time. Some days, I do better than others. Some days, feel like complete failures but if I learn something, if I become aware and have one of those self realizations, that is an accomplishment because it will help me to be better the next day and it builds on itself....and I do still have 335 days to reach that better life. Lots of work to do but still lots of time and the key is to live in the moment and be aware.

Now, even though weight loss is not my primary goal in this year, I would like to lose weight and I'd love to lose a substantial amount. The thing is, I've had blinders on where my weight is concerned. I've been aware that I am fat but whenever the doctor would say that O word, obese, I'd think that was ridiculous because I just didn't see myself as that heavy....even when photos would tell me otherwise. I had a bit of a shock yesterday that opened my eyes. I decided to stay away from the scale and instead use my weight measurement to show if I was losing weight. The initial measurement was high but no worse than expected. The shock came when I circled the tape to the size my waist was up until about forty-five. It really knocked the breath out of me and my jaw fell. It seemed impossible to imagine that my waist was ever that small. I didn't consider myself small then but looking at that circle of tape, it seemed humanly impossible that anyone's waist could be that small. Will my waist ever be that small again? Probably not; I mean let's be honest, our body shifts and changes as we age, areas thicken and sag and there's nothing to be done about that. But still, looking at what was my tiny little waist was eye opening especially when I compared it to my current waist size. Yikes! Talk about motivation, it's time I took action and start eating healthy and exercising again. And back to honesty, I don't feel like I have any other choice but to start now. At my age, my window of opportunity on fitness and weight loss is closing fast.