Days 19 and 20

In the past, whenever I took steroids, I was full of energy and felt 19 again. That actually has gotten me in trouble especially the summer that I thought I could start running (literally and after only doing a short walk as exercise for months). The chief problem there, besides the obvious, was that it was in August, in the afternoon and under a relentless Tennessee sun smothering in close to 100% humidity. I nearly died....again, literally.

Why did I do that? Because these darn steroids made me feel invincible...and evidently addled my brain.

This time around, I'm not so peppy. Maybe it will take longer than two days to kick in, who knows? But right now, I'm not in the least peppy and I'm not only sleeping like a log (I was up working by 1 a.m. the last time.) but I wake up so groggy that it feels like my body is awake an hour before my brain catches up.

So, not a lot to report as far as progress goes for yesterday and today. I got a little housework done yesterday and caught up with the laundry but little else. I did bake chicken breasts for the rest of the week (to be used in various ways and recipes) but didn't get it done in time for our dinner last night. I improvised with store bought ravioli and pasta sauce that I dressed up with spinach and cheese. Then, I was exhausted and went to bed leaving a messy kitchen and a sink full of dishes. I did remember to take the chicken out of the oven and put it in the fridge...after Steve reminded me.

Today, I had intended to be over feeding, grooming and working with my horses by 6a.m. Unfortunately, I barely remember Steve leaving for work and I was still asleep at 6a.m. By 7:00, I was barely awake and it probably took another thirty minutes or so before I was alert enough to trust myself in the kitchen. I ate a good breakfast though and then settled in to watch the second half of the The Voice finale. My biggest accomplishment of the last two days?....I picked the winners of both The Voice and American Idol. I wish I'd had some money riding on one of them because at this rate of sloth and ennui, it's going to be a while before the steps are completed to get me back to work and earning money again any other way. I guess that's the ennui kicking in and it brought its friend depression. Both are enemies of progress and I'm trying to bar the door and keep them out! Despite my lack of desire to let either of them back in my life, I have always loved the word ennui. I love it because it signifies a state beyond boredom and slightly previous to depression and I love it because the answer as to how to avoid it lies in its definition: a feeling of listlessness and dissatisfaction arising from a lack of occupation or excitement. Yes, that's what the doctor ordered. Since there's not much to be done about excitement because that comes to me from something new or unexpected, I guess I'll have to settle on occupation. Until, these steroids finally kick in and kick me into gear, maybe I should do what I did last year during my recovery from surgery and pull out my pens and drawing pad and get to work!