Day 12

This diary is suppose to be about finding balance in all aspects of my life. It has really helped me in so many ways in so many areas. I am finally motivated and making progress with my house and much needed repair and updates. I am coming up with ideas to further my work and art. I've been spending more time with my horses and my family and friends and I'm finding joy and laughter again. But there is one area of my life that I have neglected and procrastinated on, my fitness, my health, my body. To be perfectly honest, I've been in a state of denial for a long time. I've known I was overweight but until someone takes a photo or I see myself in a full length mirror, I still consider myself merely chubby. Well, I saw a mirror yesterday and I was very upset by what I saw. It didn't look like me, not the me I see in my head, not the me that looks back out of the bathroom mirror with lights that hide wrinkles and a size that hides most of the lower half of me. At first, I was very depressed. I hid this from my nieces and nephew who'd taken me on a wonderful day trip but I constantly kept seeing my double chin, turkey waddle neck and pudgy face in the rear view mirror every time I looked up. A huge, unexpected dose of reality can make you feel like you've been slugged by the universe. But, after I came to terms with the truth and pushed past the disappointment and depression, I decided to do something about it. This morning, I started keeping my food diary again. This is one of those mornings when I'm already behind the eight ball and it's already starting to warm up outside...it doesn't take much heat these days to shut me down....so, I will probably walk Bodie tonight but the real effort at exercise will wait until tomorrow. Since I'm already doing and moving more, I probably am getting more exercise just doing daily tasks than I've gotten in a long time. Still, if I'm going to get serious about this, I need to establish real exercise goals and habits. This is day 12, I need to weigh myself (although I probably won't share the actual number here, lol) and in ten days, on day 22, we'll see if I've succeeded at making progress and losing weight. I'm challenging myself so here I go......